I’m a big fan of quitting stories. Even though I’ve held this position as a minister at the same church for over sixteen years (at the time of this writing), I’ve also held myriad other jobs in my life. Telemarketer. McDonalds. Paperboy. Plasma donator. Waiter. Blockbuster.
You name it, I’ve probably done it. Or at least applied for it.
Like most everyone else, I’ve gotten to the point where I hit a wall and decided to quit. It was never in dramatic fashion, but the videos that go viral of someone losing their mind and walking out mid-shift is kinda funny to me. I don’t know, I guess I’m immature that way.
But did you know the best one of all time happened in the Bible?
By Numbers 24, Balak is so sick of Balaam and his blessings-instead-of-curses that he tells him to get out of town (Numbers 24:11). He fires him, on the spot, no questions asked.
Except Balaam doesn’t leave right away. Instead, he tells Balak exactly what he thinks, which includes such one-liners as “I told you so” (Numbers 24:12), “I’m just the messenger” (24:13), and “here’s some more info you don’t want but are going to sit and listen to anyways” (24:14).
Balaam’s fourth oracle is essentially one gigantic exit interview, where Balaam puts the nations of Moab and Midian on blast.
The “star” of the prophecy (no pun intended; see Numbers 24:17), is the scepter that comes from Israel and annihilates Moab and the sons of Sheth, which most Jews interpret as the nomadic groups from Abraham (Genesis 25:12-18).
Commentators connect this prophecy to the rise of David, whose kingship was directly responsible for the fall of Moab (2 Samuel 8:2). Balaam’s fourth oracle also describes the fall of Edom (Numbers 24:18), whom David also defeated (2 Samuel 8:14).
From here, some people interpret Balaam’s fourth oracle as then splitting up into three more, separate oracles: Numbers 24:20, 21-22, and 23-24. I prefer to look at them all the same since they’re so tightly connected—both canonically and thematically—but you can dance on the wild side if you like.
Balaam name-checks the Amalekites (24:20) and the Kenites (24:21-22). The Amalekites we know (and will see more of), but the Kenites are relatively obscure. Most likely, this is a reference to the descendants of Tubal-cain from Genesis 4:22, a descendant of Cain, and also an enemy of God’s people.
Read Numbers 24:24, too. The “ships that will come from the coast of Kittim” is a product of fierce debate, but “ships of Kittim” is used in Daniel 11:30 to describe Roman warships. Is Balaam looking that far into the future? It’s doubtful, but hey, he also talked to a donkey two chapters ago, so anything’s possible.
Balaam concludes the entirety of his oracles with a single statement in Numbers 24:23: “Who can live except God has ordained it?” In Balaam’s (prophetic) view, God is the Giver, the Sustainer, and the Taker of life. Balak doesn’t call the shots in that domain, no matter how much silver and gold he’s willing to throw around.
It’s at this point that Balaam, after delivering the most epic mic drop of all time, goes back to his house. Balak leaves too, but this departure is short-lived. Within a short time, Balaam will return to finish the job Balak paid him for.